I said Yes.

I've asked myself over and over again the first couple of months as I work my way towards Hola, who am I to think I can or should even be doing this?

Who am I to think its OK to spend that much money to get there when there are needs right where I stand?

And who am I to think I can make a difference in that little girl? She lives half way around the world, for crying out loud.

It’s these thoughts that have held me back over the past 2 years.

God has reminded me of some very important facts as I asked and prayed about these questions….
I am His child. Who am I not to be doing it?
I don’t know where all the funds are going to come from. Some of it from me and hard work. Some of it from others that they've earned through hard work but all of it… All of it’s from God.
Who do I think I am to question it?

Yes, sometimes when you ask God for answers, He asks you questions in return. He wants us to use our brains, to grow and learn.  Isn't that what all Fathers want of their children?

God has given us dreams and callings on our lives. You know what yours are. You've always known.    Have you listened to your calling and applied your gifts? Our dreams and talents/gifts ebb and flow in our life. God allows us free will to choose whether we pursue what is on our heart or stand still, afraid, second guessing and doubting ourselves. I've let go of probably a thousand opportunities because of fear. I've ignored many gifts that God has given me, because I have allowed myself to doubt my abilities, not have confidence and faith in what I could do/should be doing. I've allowed others to add to my self-doubt too.

By not using opportunities and gifts God has given me, I've cheated many people out of the blessings they could have received through me. That makes me sad, now that I know the truth.

I've been learning this over the past several months through prayer, worship and study and I’m finding the more I say yes to what I’m hearing and learning, things become even more clear, the path deepens and I am able to take step after step getting closer and closer.

Also, I get confirmation that what I’m doing isn't lavish or extravagant. I’m not being wasteful or foolish. (though there are some that think so) This… To Togo for Hola… is exactly what I should be doing …at this time.

 … Last Sunday, the sermon the Pastor was preaching at the Servant Leader meeting  reaffirmed for me that what I’m doing is A-OK with God. :-D  (that smiley is of me smiling ear-to-ear)

Have you ever been to church and swear the sermon the preacher was preaching was directly to you? Well, it was. :)  Depending on the sermon topic it can either get mighty uncomfortable for you or make you want to do a “high five” with the pastor lol Last weekend was a “high five” for me. *shew*

Anyway… he preached on the very topic of following the dreams God has put on your heart. To say Yes to God. To leave fear behind. To have faith that you can accomplish what you know you are supposed to be doing, by the Grace of God. That God does not expect us to just ‘exist’. He is GOD. We are made in HIS image . We can do amazing things if we allow Him to use us. I can and should be doing good and great things while I’m living. I am here to make a difference.

Then on Tuesday Michael Jr. posted on his facebook about the same thing!

Just a little of what he said… “….My playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking” (Michael Jr - comedian with a heart for God. michaeljr.com)

And then my friend Sarah shared a quote from Jon Acuff , - something along the same lines.

“I’m not a fan of finding your purpose; I’m a fan of living with purpose. Purpose is not a final destination. You don’t have to know the finish line before you cross the starting line.” --Jon Acuff

For me, this was once again a reminder for me not to worry about where ALL the money is going to come from. I didn't start two years ago because --- " I can’t plan to go, I don’t have enough money to pay for it. How would I get it? Stop it, Angie… you cannot pay for that”

Well, Angie....just start. Don’t worry about the finish line. … $1, $2, $10… just START…and chip away… and PRAY and LISTEN and SAY YES.

I  said Yes. 

Where in the World am I going?

I’m a list person; a planner and an organizer by nature. That means as I walk out this journey I’m planning early and revising often until I’m completely confident in all the logistics and itinerary. Now that I think about it, I’ll probably never feel confident that I’ve dotted all the I’s and crossed all the T’s until after I get back home. (And then I’ll still wonder what I missed doing or I should have done differently.)

There are legal and medical things I need to add to my ever-growing list (which this blog entry is just another version of), all of which are overwhelming, time consuming and expensive.

I need a passport. I've never had one of those. I don’t even know where to get one. (yet)

A series of immunizations is required. I've read this is potentially the list: Hepatitis A&B ; Meningitis, Polio, Tetanus (got it – check!), Typhoid, Yellow Fever, malaria pills, and Cipro in case of severe diarrhea. (uuuhh.. O.o)

Apply for a visa…. Find out what a visa is, how much it will cost and where I apply. Add to the list under “*Find out”. Maybe Compassion handles this piece of the work and the expense is included in the trip cost?

Packing. What do I pack? I've read that I will need a personal first aid kit, protein bars and peanut butter, Gatorade, bottled water, (do I really pack food and drink? …or do they mean, buy some there? CAN it be bought there??) rain gear (According to weather.com, July is Togos rainy season) toilet paper (uummm O.O), antibiotic ointment, medications and hand sanitizer. (hopefully all of those last four are not needed in conjunction of each other, save the first and the last. heh :P)

Clothing? I've no clue really. Cargo pants, loose t-shirts, wrinkle free, clothes that are comfortable and will keep me cool in scorching heat? It’s been hotter in Cleveland than in Togo several weeks this summer. I did read somewhere though from another mission blog that the women only wore skirts because of some kind of cultural restriction on a woman showing her “form and lines” of her body so a maxi skirt was required to be worn at all time. I definitely need to research the cultural differences, not only what is acceptable to wear but what is ok behavior when meeting Hola? Besides just being bashful and what-not, I’d like to know is it acceptable for me to give her a hug and such things as this. It will be culture shock for me and her too. I need prayer for minimal and no more than minor, cultural blunders. ;)

I don’t know what the accommodations will be yet. (hotel? ) I don’t know how much laundering I can do….or even how much electricity will be available. All the unknowns. This is why I have to think of this stuff early, often and prepare. Yes? Yes. I do know I’ll have a roomie, unless I want to pay extra for a private room. That’d be a, no even though I’m also a shy person and would definetly prefer a private room. People usually don’t believe me when I say that I'm shy but it’s true. It’s very difficult for me to meet new people and I’m also a private person. Weird that I say that when I’m blogging my heart out and sharing it with the world. Ha. Did I mention I’m an odd duck, too? ;) So all the people I will be meeting, eating meals with, even sharing a room with, is stretching me. (Add this to ‘the list’ category: “*Growing”.)

At one point, I realized I haven’t seen my birth certificate in a very long time. I thought I had a general idea of where I should look (with all my other ‘legal papers’) but when I did it wasn't there. So, I put it on the back burner of my mind for a few weeks. I’d remember at the most odd times that I needed to add it to ‘the list’: “*Look for*….while sitting at a red light or in the middle of a meeting at work. (Never at home, where if I thought of it, I could actually go look for it!)

And…. this may not make sense in this blog post but bear with me…. Out of nowhere, in the above same time frame, I remembered how much I liked the movie Aeon Flux and that I hadn’t seen it in a long time - it disappeared from my selection of DVDs a very long time ago (too).

And….on an impulse one day I decided to start cleaning out my nightstand, which is not something I had thought of doing in a very long time. (Still with me? Trust me, this is all going somewhere!)

Well, upon taking out all the junk out of the top drawer, what did I find? Yep, you might have guessed…. The Aeon Flux movie….AND the birth certificates right with the movie!

I love how God helps us and guide us….even with the little things. :) There is nothing too big or…even too small! God loves us and just as I would want to help my kids or grand-kids figure something out, God does the same for His children. (even help me find my birth certificate prompting me to check out the Aeon Flux movie... in a drawer that I never go in :))

You know though, more than all of the above to-do’s, find outs and look for’s ….

....Because I know its going to be very uncomfortable and exhausting physically and emotionally, more often than not, I need to prepare my heart for this most of all. This isn't a business trip or a luxury vacation. This is a trip in the name of Jesus Christ. I need to prepare spiritually. My desire is to stay strong in the LORDS will no matter how tired I get trying to figuring out how to raise the funds or how tired I get physically while I'm there. My heart needs to stay wide open to the will of the Spirit no matter how sad it becomes while there, too. I need to keep aware of the blessings all around me here, that are happening right now no matter how difficult it is right now, and also to the blessings waiting to be received at the time when Hola and I meet. I pray that I will be a blessing to those who encounter me, that God’s light shines straight through me and directly into the hearts of everyone I meet.

I can't wait to meet her and her family!!