God smiles

What was the first productive thing you did this morning? I woke up early (per usual) and after my coffee and shower, I was separating Rainbow Non Pareils; pulling out orange and yellow, specifically. I thought “wow Angie, you’re a little crazy; who does this sort of thing and especially so early in the morning?” Immediately after that thought was “No, you’re not crazy. You’re patient and creative; they are your gifts “.

Then, I continued to think….
God smiles when we use the skills He has given us in creative ways to accomplish His will. He is a creator. We are his creations, created in His image, so we are creative too. Everything we do (except sin) can be done for Gods pleasure if we do it with an attitude of praise. Just like when I feel great joy seeing my (grown) children using their talents or when I see my grandchildren discovering their own talents, God loves watching us use our talents and abilities He gave to us!

All of this came to my mind as I was first telling myself (half-heartily) I was crazy and then I was reminded who I am in Christ. It not only pleases God to see us using our God-given talents and skills for good things that will bless people but He also likes telling us about it too, like He did with me this morning

So, I believe God smiles down on me and even thinks it’s fun and silly right along with me while I’m separating rainbow non pareils to decorate cookies for someone’s birthday which will eventually get me to Togo for Hola and that my friends, is wonderful all the way around.

"The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives" (Psalm 37:23 NLT).

Just sayin..... Have a great day, friends

I said Yes.

I've asked myself over and over again the first couple of months as I work my way towards Hola, who am I to think I can or should even be doing this?

Who am I to think its OK to spend that much money to get there when there are needs right where I stand?

And who am I to think I can make a difference in that little girl? She lives half way around the world, for crying out loud.

It’s these thoughts that have held me back over the past 2 years.

God has reminded me of some very important facts as I asked and prayed about these questions….
I am His child. Who am I not to be doing it?
I don’t know where all the funds are going to come from. Some of it from me and hard work. Some of it from others that they've earned through hard work but all of it… All of it’s from God.
Who do I think I am to question it?

Yes, sometimes when you ask God for answers, He asks you questions in return. He wants us to use our brains, to grow and learn.  Isn't that what all Fathers want of their children?

God has given us dreams and callings on our lives. You know what yours are. You've always known.    Have you listened to your calling and applied your gifts? Our dreams and talents/gifts ebb and flow in our life. God allows us free will to choose whether we pursue what is on our heart or stand still, afraid, second guessing and doubting ourselves. I've let go of probably a thousand opportunities because of fear. I've ignored many gifts that God has given me, because I have allowed myself to doubt my abilities, not have confidence and faith in what I could do/should be doing. I've allowed others to add to my self-doubt too.

By not using opportunities and gifts God has given me, I've cheated many people out of the blessings they could have received through me. That makes me sad, now that I know the truth.

I've been learning this over the past several months through prayer, worship and study and I’m finding the more I say yes to what I’m hearing and learning, things become even more clear, the path deepens and I am able to take step after step getting closer and closer.

Also, I get confirmation that what I’m doing isn't lavish or extravagant. I’m not being wasteful or foolish. (though there are some that think so) This… To Togo for Hola… is exactly what I should be doing …at this time.

 … Last Sunday, the sermon the Pastor was preaching at the Servant Leader meeting  reaffirmed for me that what I’m doing is A-OK with God. :-D  (that smiley is of me smiling ear-to-ear)

Have you ever been to church and swear the sermon the preacher was preaching was directly to you? Well, it was. :)  Depending on the sermon topic it can either get mighty uncomfortable for you or make you want to do a “high five” with the pastor lol Last weekend was a “high five” for me. *shew*

Anyway… he preached on the very topic of following the dreams God has put on your heart. To say Yes to God. To leave fear behind. To have faith that you can accomplish what you know you are supposed to be doing, by the Grace of God. That God does not expect us to just ‘exist’. He is GOD. We are made in HIS image . We can do amazing things if we allow Him to use us. I can and should be doing good and great things while I’m living. I am here to make a difference.

Then on Tuesday Michael Jr. posted on his facebook about the same thing!

Just a little of what he said… “….My playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking” (Michael Jr - comedian with a heart for God. michaeljr.com)

And then my friend Sarah shared a quote from Jon Acuff , - something along the same lines.

“I’m not a fan of finding your purpose; I’m a fan of living with purpose. Purpose is not a final destination. You don’t have to know the finish line before you cross the starting line.” --Jon Acuff

For me, this was once again a reminder for me not to worry about where ALL the money is going to come from. I didn't start two years ago because --- " I can’t plan to go, I don’t have enough money to pay for it. How would I get it? Stop it, Angie… you cannot pay for that”

Well, Angie....just start. Don’t worry about the finish line. … $1, $2, $10… just START…and chip away… and PRAY and LISTEN and SAY YES.

I  said Yes. 

Where in the World am I going?

I’m a list person; a planner and an organizer by nature. That means as I walk out this journey I’m planning early and revising often until I’m completely confident in all the logistics and itinerary. Now that I think about it, I’ll probably never feel confident that I’ve dotted all the I’s and crossed all the T’s until after I get back home. (And then I’ll still wonder what I missed doing or I should have done differently.)

There are legal and medical things I need to add to my ever-growing list (which this blog entry is just another version of), all of which are overwhelming, time consuming and expensive.

I need a passport. I've never had one of those. I don’t even know where to get one. (yet)

A series of immunizations is required. I've read this is potentially the list: Hepatitis A&B ; Meningitis, Polio, Tetanus (got it – check!), Typhoid, Yellow Fever, malaria pills, and Cipro in case of severe diarrhea. (uuuhh.. O.o)

Apply for a visa…. Find out what a visa is, how much it will cost and where I apply. Add to the list under “*Find out”. Maybe Compassion handles this piece of the work and the expense is included in the trip cost?

Packing. What do I pack? I've read that I will need a personal first aid kit, protein bars and peanut butter, Gatorade, bottled water, (do I really pack food and drink? …or do they mean, buy some there? CAN it be bought there??) rain gear (According to weather.com, July is Togos rainy season) toilet paper (uummm O.O), antibiotic ointment, medications and hand sanitizer. (hopefully all of those last four are not needed in conjunction of each other, save the first and the last. heh :P)

Clothing? I've no clue really. Cargo pants, loose t-shirts, wrinkle free, clothes that are comfortable and will keep me cool in scorching heat? It’s been hotter in Cleveland than in Togo several weeks this summer. I did read somewhere though from another mission blog that the women only wore skirts because of some kind of cultural restriction on a woman showing her “form and lines” of her body so a maxi skirt was required to be worn at all time. I definitely need to research the cultural differences, not only what is acceptable to wear but what is ok behavior when meeting Hola? Besides just being bashful and what-not, I’d like to know is it acceptable for me to give her a hug and such things as this. It will be culture shock for me and her too. I need prayer for minimal and no more than minor, cultural blunders. ;)

I don’t know what the accommodations will be yet. (hotel? ) I don’t know how much laundering I can do….or even how much electricity will be available. All the unknowns. This is why I have to think of this stuff early, often and prepare. Yes? Yes. I do know I’ll have a roomie, unless I want to pay extra for a private room. That’d be a, no even though I’m also a shy person and would definetly prefer a private room. People usually don’t believe me when I say that I'm shy but it’s true. It’s very difficult for me to meet new people and I’m also a private person. Weird that I say that when I’m blogging my heart out and sharing it with the world. Ha. Did I mention I’m an odd duck, too? ;) So all the people I will be meeting, eating meals with, even sharing a room with, is stretching me. (Add this to ‘the list’ category: “*Growing”.)

At one point, I realized I haven’t seen my birth certificate in a very long time. I thought I had a general idea of where I should look (with all my other ‘legal papers’) but when I did it wasn't there. So, I put it on the back burner of my mind for a few weeks. I’d remember at the most odd times that I needed to add it to ‘the list’: “*Look for*….while sitting at a red light or in the middle of a meeting at work. (Never at home, where if I thought of it, I could actually go look for it!)

And…. this may not make sense in this blog post but bear with me…. Out of nowhere, in the above same time frame, I remembered how much I liked the movie Aeon Flux and that I hadn’t seen it in a long time - it disappeared from my selection of DVDs a very long time ago (too).

And….on an impulse one day I decided to start cleaning out my nightstand, which is not something I had thought of doing in a very long time. (Still with me? Trust me, this is all going somewhere!)

Well, upon taking out all the junk out of the top drawer, what did I find? Yep, you might have guessed…. The Aeon Flux movie….AND the birth certificates right with the movie!

I love how God helps us and guide us….even with the little things. :) There is nothing too big or…even too small! God loves us and just as I would want to help my kids or grand-kids figure something out, God does the same for His children. (even help me find my birth certificate prompting me to check out the Aeon Flux movie... in a drawer that I never go in :))

You know though, more than all of the above to-do’s, find outs and look for’s ….

....Because I know its going to be very uncomfortable and exhausting physically and emotionally, more often than not, I need to prepare my heart for this most of all. This isn't a business trip or a luxury vacation. This is a trip in the name of Jesus Christ. I need to prepare spiritually. My desire is to stay strong in the LORDS will no matter how tired I get trying to figuring out how to raise the funds or how tired I get physically while I'm there. My heart needs to stay wide open to the will of the Spirit no matter how sad it becomes while there, too. I need to keep aware of the blessings all around me here, that are happening right now no matter how difficult it is right now, and also to the blessings waiting to be received at the time when Hola and I meet. I pray that I will be a blessing to those who encounter me, that God’s light shines straight through me and directly into the hearts of everyone I meet.

I can't wait to meet her and her family!!

"Same kind of different as me"

The difference between me and my family and Hola and her family is that we were born in a different land. I don't know why some people are born in the land of plenty and others are not. I don't know why I was born in America and she in Africa. Gods ways and purposes are far too great for me to ever understand (while on this side of eternity) but I do know His plan is perfect for me and Hola.

I believe God matches and gently (and sometimes not so gently) steers us towards specific people that we should interact with. I believe its mainly to help each other and learn something from each other, in some way. I believe God keeps us together long enough for something to be imparted into each of our lives. Looking back I know I was on a direct path to Hola and when I finally listened to what I knew God was asking of me, He then placed her right in my lap.

The world is huge to humans. To God, it’s the size of a piece of dust. To God, Hola lives next door to me. To God, Hola is not only my neighbor but my family.

I want Hola to know when we meet, that even though we live 5503 miles apart on this beautiful planet, we are the same. We both have needs and desires. We both wake up the same way in the morning. We both look up at the same moon at night time. We both can and will have struggles and broken hearts. We both cry the same tears and feel great happiness and joy. We both give love and receive love.

I want her to know as she goes all through life that her place, where she is on earth, doesn't define her. Her struggles do not and will not define her. By Gods Grace, we both can persevere in anything we set our minds to.

I'm going to tell her in person, that it was hard work for me to get there to her. I'm going to help her understand that I beat the odds! That it is absolutely absurd for me to have made it all the way to Africa to hold her hand. I'm going to look into her little face and tell her that if we pray every day, work hard, have faith and have love for Jesus and all Gods people that we can do amazing things. I'm going to tell her that we are both children of God. That He is our Abba Father. That He is with us every step of the way and her life and all she does through her life matters and is very important to me and to God.

I know I can say all of these things to her in a letter. I probably will remind her of these things through the years but the first time, I'm to tell her in person. That is what I'm supposed to do.

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT)

We are the same kind of different.

“I used to spend a lotta time worryin that I was different from other people, even from other homeless folks. Then, after I met Miss Debbie and Mr. Ron, I worried that I was so different from them that we wadn't ever gon' have no kind a' future. But I found out everybody's different - the same kind of different as me. We're all just regular folks walkin down the road God done set in front of us. The truth about it is, whether we is rich or poor or somethin in between, this earth ain't no final restin place. So in a way, we is all homeless - just workin our way toward home.”
― Denver Moore, Same Kind of Different as Me


Are you going to be part of the plan? Are you going to be a piece of the puzzle that helps get me to Hola? Click the GoFundMe link to the right of this page and help me get on that plane. 

"Everything seems impossible until it gets done"

I'm feeling a little beat up today. It's been a difficult week and most of today,worse than the past two. I'm finally sitting down for the evening and of course Hola and her family came to my mind. I feel ashamed for feeling sorry for myself (and yes, I have been feeling sorry for myself) because I've had less than a normal day and had to tackle some frustrating issues with my car, among other things.

Hola does not have running water or electricity. The floor of her house (hut?) is dirt, the walls mud and the roof thatched. Her father is 'sometimes' employed as a carpenter and the average person there makes less than $33 a month. Thats a dollar a day for Hola, her little sister and Dad to live on. As far as I am aware, they do not own a car and Hola walks quite a distance for a little girl just to get to her student center.

I have been put in my place. Yes, my family and I struggle all the time. (more ways than I care to get into here) but even still we are so very blessed compared to so much of the world. We have our own homes with nice things filling the inside. We have running water, electricity, food and jobs to pay for it. We have good health...and when we dont, we can (for the most part) easily go to the doctor and get the treatment needed to get better. Hola's mother died from Typhoid fever - which is a bacteria infection caught through unclean water and food. I don't know why she wasn't treated for the sickness but she could have been saved. When I heard about Hola's mother I contacted Compassion immediately because I read that it can be contagious without treatment. Compassion reassured me that because of my support and Hola being a part of Compassion, she would receive any medical care needed to give her better chances of preventing this from happening to her. I inquired if I could also sponsor her little sister too. Compassion said only one child is allowed to be sponsored per family. :/ They did say when I send extra money it is shared with the entire family unless I specifically say its a gift for Hola only. I worry about her often but even more so after her mom passed away. Every little girl needs their mommy :(

Hmm.. *sigh* anyway, I've sort of just rambled on a little bit here but I guess I just want to say that though I struggle and get frustrated and sad sometimes, I have to remember to keep my chin up... because all the world struggles on one level or another. All are blessed also, on one level or another. And.... I am surely blessed.

I know I cant take care of the world but I'm so very thankful God has allowed me be part of Hola's life; participating in her health care, education, activities (choir!!, field trips :)) learning about Jesus and more.

No matter who or where in the world, we all need a little help and we all need to know someone is on our side, rooting for us. I get a little lump in my throat every time I think about the moment I finally get to meet her....and her little sister.

I will get there to her. Failing at this is not an option.

Just your every-day-run-of-the-mill, Grandma. O.o

That runs off to Africa to bring hope to one specific little girl.

This morning I was thinking about how it’s kind of ridiculous for me to be traipsing off to Africa. Sure maybe when I was 20 something but at 47 and not so healthy. Really, Angie? Not that my 20’s really would have been a better time because I was a very poor struggling single mom, but at least I had my age and good health on my side then.

I also thought about, how it was actually a little crazy for me to even sponsor Hola in the first place. I knew that if I started the commitment with her I would never allow myself to stop sponsoring her until she aged out of the program. I knew that it was going to be a good 15 yr commitment. That wasn’t an easy choice to make. I am not rich. I’m basically scrapping the bottom of the barrel of middle class and I live paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes the ends don’t even meet. Until just recently, my car was held together with duct-tape for the past 3 yrs. O.O (Thanks again, Meg and Ronny for the new front fender!) In order to sponsor Hola I knew I had to give something up. So, I gave up the monthly luxury of cable TV and I send that money to Hola. I knew God was calling me to sponsorship and He pointed me directly to Hola. I do what I have to do to get my payment to Compassion. I made the decision to respond to what God asked me to do and I’ve never regretted it.

As I thought of who I am and what I’m embarking on, I was instantly reminded of Sarah (Abraham's wife) and the absurdity of an infertile 90 year old lady having a baby. She laughed in disbelief. (Genesis 21:5-7)

I kind of laugh too, when I think about this journey I’m on. As all these thoughts were going through my head this morning, I was reminded that I don’t get to choose what God calls me to do. I do however, get to choose if I respond to it or not. (God’s Grace from start to finish!)

I didn’t think of Sarah because she had a choice of being pregnant or not. (Because obviously, she did not have a choice) When she came to mind it was because of the absurdity of it. God can and DOES choose to do crazy things through the most unexpected people. He uses the weak, insignificant and unlikely and uses them to do the most amazing things. (Corinthians 1:26-31)

To spend time with Hola is going to be a glorious time. The ridiculousness of it all, the getting there and how hard it will be while there, not so much. I know the blessings gained from all of it will be priceless . I’m choosing to respond.

So, here goes a not-so-healthy-pushing 50 yr old-grandma, striving to reach the other side of the world to hug a child. To give her a hope and a confidence that she can carry throughout her life, allowing her to know that anything can be accomplished, Insha'Allah. (God willing.)

Because if I, of all people, can make it all the way to Africa, you have to know God made that happen!

(All of this was in my head during the 10 min walk from the parking lot into the office this morning. Don’t even get me started on writing about what I was thinking from the time I woke up until I got to the parking lot! :))
http://www.gofundme.com/Hola-in-Togo